P&B: That's How Strong My Love Is
by Mimiminaj
Summary: Future Fic! Puck and Blaine are 45 years old and have been happily married for 20. But what will happen when their world is turned upside down by some horrible news? They always thought their love was strong, but is it strong enough to beat cancer? M for later chapters - slash.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - Hi everybody! So it's finally time for that sequel I've been talking about, and I'm super excited to share it with you. This story is about cancer, and I'm not going to lie, I don't know a whole lot about it. I'm only 17, but my mother did have breast cancer three years ago. The medical stuff might not be spot on, so please don't bash me if anything sounds unrealistic. I'll be focusing on the emotional level of cancer more than the physical, something I worked and interviewed my mom a lot about._

_Note: Mentions of New York (and the whole leaving thing) is where I'm considering writing a third story (a sort of interquel between When I Saw You and That's How Strong My Love Is). You won't understand it yet so don't worry about being confused._

_IMPORTANT! – This is the sequel to P&B: When I Saw You. Although it is not necessary to read the first, it **will give away stuff that happens in the first story**. You should read that one first if you don't want to ruin anything._

That's How Strong My Love Is C1

(_**Noah**_)

There are only a handful of moments that will stay with a person forever. And I mean stay, as in you can remember every single detail so minute and so clearly you can literally see it run through your mind's eye as if you were watching a movie. Can you recall any of those moments?

I can, but only a few.

The moment I saw Blaine. That will stay with me till I die. It was the first day of Senior year, in my fifth hour English class, and I was looking around the classroom. I remember seeing Kurt first, and then looking past him to Blaine. It was in that instant, when I saw him, that I just knew. I knew I would be with him forever. From those red skinny jeans to that perfectly fitting shirt, he would be mine. I remember how we played eye tag for awhile, both afraid of how the other would react to our stares. I remember every feeling I had, every thought that ran through my head.

When Beth was born. I remember everything that Quinn screamed, everything the nurse ordered, and every detail of her face as I looked at her as Quinn held her. I remember the feeling I had when they took her away without letting me hold her, and the anger and pain that soon followed.

The day my father raped me. How he punched my mother cold onto the floor, how he walked me up to my room, and how he took my clothes off my body. I remember the exact feeling I felt as he pushed inside of me, both physically and mentally. I remember the song Finn and I sang on the way to the event, and I can still taste his breath in my mouth if I try hard enough.

The night Blaine and I first made love. Every touch between us, every sound, every kiss and every word muttered. I remember the face he made as I filled him, and I can literally feel how his skin felt on mine, how his mouth felt around me. I can hear the pain in his voice when I freaked out afterword, and I can remember how scared I was laying there, memories washing over me.

The day Blaine left for New York. It broke my heart, I felt like giving up. I can recall every tear that fell down my face, and I can remember the exact lines in the door, the one I stared at for about an hour. I can remember what I was wearing, and what show was playing on our TV in the background.

Our wedding. The day I killed my father. The time when Blaine broke his leg.

I can remember each one of those scenes perfectly. Ask me what smell was in the air? I could tell you. Ask me what I felt? Easy. Ask me what thoughts were running through my mind? Really, I could tell you everything.

And it's not little moments that these moments are. No, notice that each one of those were bigger than the last, each one held a huge milestone in my life. Yes, those moments are usually life changing, and it's really not hard to wonder why they would stay with me forever.

I never knew, though, as I lived through those moments that they would stay with me forever. I had never really paid it much attention. I never purposely looked around, examined the scene, and realized that it would stay with me until I die.

I did now.

The smell. I registered the strong smell of, I'd say, bleach? A strong cleanser filled the air, and it was almost enough to make someone gag. Really, did they think the smell would be comforting? If they did, then they failed miserably.

The lighting. It was dim, and mostly dark. You could make out everybody just find, but it seemed to cast a mysterious aura, the way everything seemed to be in the shadows.

The room. It wasn't too big, but I memorized the diameters instantly. I memorized the lines in the wall and the way there was only one door. This is the room. The room where everything changes.

And then Blaine. My hand around his hand and his face. His face will most likely haunt my dreams for a long time now. It was peer shock, but you can tell the shock wasn't keeping away the pain and fear. He was staring at the doctor as if he had a gun to our faces (which I guess he kind of did). His hand was cold. I would remember that. Because it was very odd that Blaine's skin would be cold. And it was stock still. No movement. No squeeze. No twitch. He couldn't take his eyes off of the doctor in the room, and he couldn't take that god awful look off of his face.

My own feelings. Yes I was shocked, but I instantly registered everything it meant. I will remember this moment for a long time, the moment when a wall is built back up around myself, protecting me from the emotions of the world. I could die. There's a strong chance of it. But I had no fear. At least for myself. No, only one thought ran through my head during this conversation. It wasn't about my survival. It wasn't about all the pain I was about to be put through. It wasn't the fact that this next year was going to be one of my worst.

No, it was _how the hell is Blaine going to deal with this?_

And then there was the words themselves. It was just a simple, eight word sentence.

"The test results came back…and it's cancer."

And I wanted to go on a date tonight.… But what the fuck ever.

"What kind?" I ask, clearing my throat and gripping Blaine's hand, just trying to get him to realize that he really shouldn't be wearing that face. He glances down to our hands, but doesn't remove that look. His eyes slide into mine and locks in place. If only I could take away his emotions. Then he would be set.

"You have stage two pancreatic cancer."

Stage two? I know enough about cancer to know that that at least sounds relatively good. I glance over at Blaine again to see if this news is doing anything to him. Nope.

"Stage two? That's not very far," I begin, turning back to the doctor. "I mean, it sounds like we caught it relatively early, right?"

"Yes!" He seems to cling to the sentence and the fact like it's a lifejacket. "We caught it early, so chances are better than they usually are. The best route I want to take-"

I glance over at Blaine.

"Okay stop," I command, and the doctor looks slightly taken aback. He doesn't realize that I wasn't talking to him.

"Blaine, you need to stop." Blaine shifts his eyes from the doctor to mine, and his face is finally changed. He's looking at me like I just punched him.

"Stop what?" His voice is shaky and close to cracking, and my heart aches hearing it.

"Can we have a few minutes?" I tell more than ask the doctor, and he mumbles something that sounds like "sure, of course" as he leaves the room.

"You need to stop. I can't take that fucking look on your face."

"The look on my face? Noah, you have cancer!" His face forms a new look, one that's far from shock, just pain and fear and anger. "How can you even yell at me for reacting like this!"

"Because I don't want to fucking see you like it," I reach for his other hand, and grip it, bringing them both to the table. "It's not the end of the world Blaine. It's just one more thing for us to work through."

"You have cancer! Don't even try to tell me it's all going to be alright Noah, because we both know it's not!" His first tear falls down his face, and my hand instinctively goes to wipe it away. He doesn't do anything but close his eyes as I brush my thumb down the track the tear left, and then he sniffles a little. "I'm not going to cry."

"This isn't a death sentence. I just can't bear to see that look on your face. Like I'm dying, and don't say I am because I'm not! Stage two, Babe! They caught it early! There's a chance surgery can get this out of me forever!"

"You're happy that you only have stage two? How optimistic Noah! How about you focus on that and not at yelling at me for being in shock! You have fucking cancer!"

I don't say anything. He opens his eyes and looks at me. I look back at him, refusing to break eye contact. A billion things are said through it all. It's intense, and it's meaningful. He's shaking slightly, but then I realize so am I. He finally breaks the silence by mumbling something that literally just hurts me. Nothing but pain.

"I'm allowed to react like that Noah," he murmurs softly. "You could die…"

I take a deep breath, unsure of how I want to continue. This is all wrong. I shouldn't have gotten mad. I shouldn't have yelled at him. Couples are supposed to comfort each other when they find shit like this out, not push them away because their angry. But isn't that one of my biggest downfalls? My inability to control my anger? Like I've always said, my defense is really just a hard, tough offense.

"I'm never going to leave you Blaine," I murmur standing up and pulling him with me.

"I don't believe you," he whispers back, hands going to my biceps and griping them for good measure; I don't necessarily think he can stand very well right now.

"You've always trusted me before," I state as I trace my lips against his forehead, squeezing him close into my body. This feels right. This is how it should be. I shouldn't be reprimanding him for reacting exactly how Blaine does. Shame on me for trying to control his feelings. Of course he's going to be scared, fuck, I'm sure I'm scared too, if I didn't already place that wall over my emotions.

"You can't control this," He chokes out, his emotions coming through his voice instead of tears down his face.

"But I will fight," I say, pushing him back slightly so I can rest my forehead against his, looking directly into those scared little eyes. The beauty they hold is unbeleiveable, it's indescribable and it transcends everything. The amount of memories they held. The amount of times I've looked into them. The amount of emotions and feelings that have been portyrated there openly for the world to see. Yeah, they took my breath away. They stopped me mid sentence, I literally couldn't go on.

The man that I was holding meant everything to me. I was hurting him. My reaction was hurting him. My condition was hurting him. I just wanted to make him feel safe again, wipe away that fear from his face and those eyes that were looking up at me.

"I'm going to fight Baby. I'm going to fight harder than I've ever fought for something before. And I'm going to do it for you. And you're going to do it for me. Together Blaine," I say as I grip his hands in mine, and he leans up and takes my mouth.

I wasn't done with my speech. I wanted to say more, something along the lines of "nothing can beat us if we stand by each other" or "I'll be with you forever," but I guess Blaine's idea feels more appropriate. What we're both feeling right now? Yep, no words. They just can't portray everything I'm feeling. The want I feel, of wanting to make it all okay for Blaine. Show him that we will beat this, that there is a way, and that I will be with him.

Our lips say it all though. It's heated, it's passionate, its everything that a "_I just found out I have cancer, I'm going to fight like hell to stay with you and I will always love you_" kiss would be. Though he initiated, I take full charge. I soon walk him backwards and push him against the wall. His hands curl around the Mohawk that I've kept, and then around my neck, pushing me down farther into the kiss.

He shakes as my tongue wipes against his bottom lip, and he opens his mouth while moaning something that sounds an awful a lot like "Noah."

"I fucking love you," I finally gasp out, feeling like I might faint from the lack of oxygen. "I'm not going to leave you!"

"Promise?"

And then he does that. Asks for a promise I can't give. Though I may fight like hell to stay by his side, I'm not dumb. I know I can't promise shit like that in my newfound state.

But I clearly said "I'm never going to leave you," and that actually is something I can promise. Though Blaine will take it as I promise to stay with him on this earthly plane, I'm going to promise it as something else. Because I will always be with him. Even if I die, and I'm buried six feet under the ground. I will be by his side always, I will watch him and care for him and yeah, pretty much be his guardian fucking angel.

"I promise…" I breath out, and he sighs against my lips, before moving his lips against mine slowly and deliberately. He then drops from his tiptoes and leans fully back against the wall.

"I believe you…" He tells me as he puts his hand over my heart. "I do.."

A soft knocking on the door has us both turning around, and the doctor gives us a sad look as he walks back into the conference room office thingie. God I hate when I can't label simple things like a room.

"I'm so sorry that I'm bringing you this news, Mr. and Mr. Puckerman," He apologizes as he walks further into the room and takes his seat on one of the chairs at the conference table. I retake Blaine's hand in mine, and lead him back to the table, on the opposite side of the doctor. I place him on one chair and then I take the one next to him, making sure we're touching as much as possible.

"It's fine. We're ready to talk about what this means." I declare, holding Blaine close. I look over and I see a determined, set face. I feel guilty looking back, but it's easier seeing this face than the one he was wearing before.

"Noah, you have stage two pancreatic cancer." The doctor starts, looking down at his papers. His eyes shift up to mine just in time for me to ask my question; "Pancreas?"

"Your pancreas is located next to your liver, and it aids digestion and the regulation of your metabolism."

Blaine and I nod our heads.

"Now I said stage two, but it's late stage two, give it a few month and it will be in the third stage, and we definitely don't want that. Now as far as treatment goes, I recommend that we start by hitting the cancer hard with a pancreaticoduodenectomy, or surgery to remove the cancer. It should be early enough that we can remove all of it and not most of it. From there, we'll decide if we want to start up rounds of chemotherapy and radiation."

"What's the survival rate?" Blaine murmurs, and my skin crawls. It's these kinds of facts that you are dying to hear, but at the same time scared as fuck to find out.

"Well, in a good percent of patients that are in Noah's situation, where removal by surgery is possible, a complete cure is possible. If the cancer has already spread, or the surgery doesn't work, well than survival rate is very low. I'm not going to lie to you. Pancreatic cancer is the fourth most common cause of cancer death across the globe."

We both suck in air and Blaine shakes violently. I slide my hand away from his and around his waist pulling him close. "I promised," I whisper into his hair, and he nods a shaky nod, letting out the breath he was holding.

"But!" The doctor starts, trying to keep us on the "it's going to be OK" train. "That's usually because diagnosis is so late, usually too late. Like I said, you are lucky. There is a possibility we could remove this whole thing with the surgery."

"When is the surgery?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"As soon as possible. We are looking at two weeks from now, at 8 a.m. We're having a specialist flown in, and that's the soonest time she's free."

"In two weeks…." Blaine murmurs. I know where he was going to go before he starts speaking, I mean I was thinking it too. "That's two more weeks for the cancer to spread. Don't we want to do it sooner?"

"We would if we could, but Dr. Allor is the most skilled person at this procedure, and it would be a safer bet to wait."

"It's only two weeks babe," I tell him, squeezing him (for what feels like the zillionth time) closer to me.

He looks sideways at me with determined eyes.

"Then we'll have to make those the best two weeks of our lives."

_A/N – Rereading this I feel like this is just okay. Wahhh. What do you guys think?_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N – Thank you to LuluPimprenelle, AceCade, ImperVerd, and anLeaf for reviewing! To **lulu** – oh man, I don't want to give anything away. I think this will be a pretty awesome story though, so I hope you read it! To **AceCade** – your feelings are telling you to hurry up and read this chapter, lol :). To **ImperVerd** – I totally understand, I know that this isn't for everyone, but I do hope you get attached (seeing as I'm totally self obsessed and you always make my day) To **anLeaf** - I totally know what you mean. It just takes the right story to get you back into writing. It happened to me, and I'm really glad I could make it happen to you. _

_This chapter has the song "Angel" by Shaggy in it. If you want to hear the song, type in youtube in google search than copy and paste the following. watch?v=_j_HYMUakpk_

_Thanks to everyone who is reading this too, I hope this turns out really good. _

_That's How Strong My Love Is C2_

_**(Blaine)**_

You don't exactly get this kind of news everyday. It's rare, those times when your whole life change's in a minute. When one sentence, one fact, makes all the difference. When one thought, one action can decide whether your life will be happy or sad, fulfilling or not. Change is supposed to happen over time. When it doesn't though… that's when you know it's big. Like I said, life changing big.

The day I first looked at another boy and thought, wow I want that. It hit me instantly; I knew it from then on. I knew I was going to grow up a gay teenager, and that I would live my life as a gay man. My path was decided the moment I looked at another guy's smile and it only took about a minute for me to realize my want.

When Noah finally said the words "I love you." That's the day I knew we would be together. No matter what, I had found my life partner. I would look back at that moment, the one in the middle of that football field with my shoes soaking wet with snow, and know that that's when I took the first step toward a life with him. When we finally told each other our true feelings, and stopped hiding behind our insecurities and fears. Yes, what we said in the space of that one minute decided a lot.

The second I decided to come back to Lima. That moment decided Noah and my future, and I couldn't be happier about that particular outcome. In that case, in the split second I finally made up my mind, in that second when "I'm going back," popped into my head. Yeah, it made all the difference in the world.

The moment I realized that Noah's father was out of jail, and in Lima. If I'm honest with myself, I'm pretty sure I knew from that second that the next couple of weeks would royally suck. That one second, that one thought "I just met Noah's father," changed my life back then. Things got serious and scary fast, and it all dawned on me within a heartbeat.

The day I came out to my parents. Before you do, you always constantly think, "holy shit, what's going to happen when they find out?" Or "well I better make good with the time I have before the truth comes out." Before, you think of the future as something scary, never really knowing if it will be a happy one, as your parents' reactions really are a make it or break it. In that minute, when I said the words "I'm gay," and they just smiled and told me it was OK, yeah, it's like your removing a skyscraper from your shoulders. This may sound clichéd, but you can actually start living, not always being in fear.

I didn't think today would be a day where I could add one of those minutes, or another sentence, to the short list I already had. But I did, and it was probably the worst of them all.

"The test results came back… you have cancer."

How are you supposed to even respond to that? I mean seriously, they lock you up in this small room with that horrible sterile smell with the horribly dim lighting and then they tell you that. Do they expect it to just roll off your shoulders, and not have a breakdown right then and there? Because yeah, that was my first reaction. I wanted to fucking grab Noah's hand and run out of that office the second I heard what the doctor said. We could pretend like we never heard it! If we never heard it, then it can't be true, right?

Wrong. That thought process runs through your head in a fraction of a second, and you're forced to face that yes, this is indeed reality, and no, I can't run from this. So you can't run, and you want to cry like there's no tomorrow, but you can't because the person next to you, the one who actually has cancer, is stoned face and being brave. How the hell do you measure up? Does it say something about me, that as I walk with him out of the lobby and to his truck, that I'm more than scared right now. In fact, I don't know if I've ever been more scared.

It's like god is playing some sick twisted game, a trick that only the most observant can see. I look down and both see and feel Noah's hand around mine, the warmth his body is emanating. It's more than a little fucked up how we could just be walking to his truck, yet he's slowly dying inside. As I think this, and as we do something as casual as walk across the parking lot, he's literally fighting a losing fight on a cellular level?

And there I go again, "losing fight?" God, what the hell is wrong with me. The idea of Noah dying has passed through my brain more times in the last hour than in my entire life, and it is seriously starting to piss me off. I don't know what's going to happen, and neither does he. I do know, however, is that I'm not going to call this a "losing" fight. Noah promised me he would stay with me, and I believe his word.

So back to what I'm feeling.

It's funny how it's a question I ask a lot. I always ask it to Noah. _What are you thinking_, or _how are you feeling_, and I've always been mystified on the rare occasions when "I don't know" is answered back. See, I always thought this was a lie. I mean, I always knew what I was feeling. I didn't always wanted to share my feelings, or even accept them, but deep down I honestly knew what I was feeling.

I'm learning today that I was wrong.

I didn't know what I was feeling as I climbed into the passenger side of Noah's pick-up. It was like thousands of different emotions were fighting for dominance.

I wanted to be angry. Angry at God, angry at Noah for letting this happen, and angry just in general that something like this could happen to our family.

I wanted to be scared. I could lose Noah, I could lose him forever. It was a real possibility, even a probability if his condition worsens.

I wanted to cry. I needed to get this out somehow, right? What better way than to abuse my tear ducts? After all, I don't think they've been used in awhile.

I wanted to laugh. I just wanted to laugh. Because of course this would happen to us. It seemed like nothing was easy in our lives. First Noah's father, and now cancer. It was almost comical how screwed up the universe treated us. I mean, is a semi going to just swerve into our lane and take us out now? God that would be ironic wouldn't it!

**I want to know what love is, I want you to show me **

My train of thought stops, as does the laugh that was building inside of me. My eyes flick to the radio, and then over at Noah. He's smiling and singing softly to the music, and I'm hit by a wave of memories.

"Our first song…" I mumble, feeling my skin crawl.

"Yeah, like, what, thirty years ago?"

"Twenty seven."

"Feels weird hearing it now, and after all this time."

"It's a different version though, Mariah's is better."

"Ours is better."

I smile at this and laugh a tiny bit, but for an actually acceptable reason. He always did know just what to say to take some of the tension out of the air. I unbuckle my seat and slide into the middle one, the one usually occupied by Beth. Funny how some things don't change. He had a three seater pick up in Lima when we were 18, and he still has a three seater pick up (but now it's a company one), when we're 45 and living in New York.

I wrap my arm around his and he growls seductively.

"It took you long enough."

"I know it did, I'm sorry. And don't say 'well you're here now' because that will just make me mad."

He laughs and it shakes me, but just because I'm connected around his shoulder. I didn't want him to say 'you're here now' because that was his favorite saying after I came back from New York the first time. I hated remembering those days, of my betrayal. Noah has said there's no hard feelings many times over, but I still feel immensely guilty every time I recall that.

"You know I would only be teasing babe…"

Not much else was said as Noah navigated the New York streets with ease. We've been living here for over a decade, so his knowledge and comfort of these roads were unparalleled. I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed as we passed though the city, seeing all those places that held memories.

We passed the first restaurant Noah and I ever went to together in this city. It was a huge, formal, white table cloth restaurant, probably the fanciest Noah had ever been to. As we pass it, I could almost see us in our formal wear, walking out of the restaurant laughing at just how ridiculously over the top the restaurant was, and the fact that Noah said he'd probably prefer McDonalds anyway.

We passed the school that Beth first enrolled in when we moved together to New York. I could see her, hand in hand with Noah and me on either side of her, standing outside of the school, all nervous and fidgety. It seemed hard to believe that she's now getting married in less than a week, yet I could still visualize her first steps in New York.

We passed the Bening Apartment Complex. I remember when Noah first walked me through the twenty luxury rooms he remodeled. Along with Finn, they started their own construction company, and I can remember vividly how excited Noah was when they got their first project. Walking with Noah through those rooms, seeing his pure excitement on all the small details of his woodwork and his ideas with Finn, had made me happy. Seeing how happy he was and proud he was of his work had just made me feel good. Of course, I've walked through many jobsites of his sense, but the first was the most exciting.

We passed the zoo. Funny how such a small place had such a large mark on our life. It was Beth's favorite place to go growing up in this city, whether she was 6,10,12, or turning 16, a day at the zoo was one of her favorite daddies-daughter bonding time. Noah loved the Polar Bears. I loved the Penguins. She loved the Walruses. I know, why don't we just _go_ to the North Pole?

We passed my work. The Pora theater for the arts. Broadway. Rachel and I were very big Broadway names. I had already stared in three plays, even in the 2025 revival of Wicked, (as Fieryo). Rachel, of course, was my Elphaba at the time. My heart pained as we passed it. I could remember the first time Noah sat down at that theater, and the first time he watched me perform on a Broadway stage. I got shivers just thinking about it. Noah never missed opening night. Hell, Noah went to more of my plays than any of the other cast members spouses, a fact that I beamed with pride over.

But he might not make it in the future.

That fact was like a knife in my heart. It took everything I had to not gasp out, to not immediately have tears fall down my face. I didn't want Noah to see me unravel. If he was going to be strong I was too. I pushed that thought out of my head, and settled on shutting my eyes and keeping them closed for the remainder of our journey, afraid of what other memories (and there accompanying thoughts) looking outside would trigger.

(_Noah_)

**Girl you're my angel, you're my darling angel  
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby  
Shorty you're my angel, you're my darling angel  
Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady**

I smiled when I heard the drum beat, and the accompanying quick beats that followed. It seemed the radio was just getting it right this time. This song, "angel" by Shaggy, was seriously old, but it still was an amazing song. I snuggled closer into Noah once I heard him sing louder than usual over the radio (probably for my benefit). Something about his voice always just got me and calmed me.

**Life is one big party when you're still young**

Oh my god, he's rapping. Noah never raps, he generally doesn't even like that kind of music and has sense avoided it since high school. But this is just one of those songs, where you know every word even if you don't like rap. I knew he liked this song, but I didn't know he liked it this much. I laughed loudly, and opened my eyes in shock. He was smiling and bobbing his head like a rapper, hitting each phrase crystal clear.

**But who's gonna have your back when it's all done  
It's all good when you're little, you have pure fun  
Can't be a fool, son, what about the long run**

I laugh louder when he looks over and gives me what I think is supposed to be a seductive wink, but the effect is lost because, hello, he's rapping? He looks ridiculous, but at least he sounds amazing.

**Looking back Shorty always mention  
Said me not giving her much attention  
She was there through my incarceration  
I want to show the nation my appreciation**

I get lost in the way he looks when he sings (or raps). He's just having fun with the song, bobbing along, even making a "dolphin" with his hands out of the window. The sun's high up in the sky, and looking over at him, smiling, singing, sun just cresting his face so it's half bathed in white light, half in shadows, makes me hurt.

He's beautiful. Inside and out, he's perfection. We're not talking about what we should be talking about; instead he's just fooling around to the radio. I put my head back on his shoulder and squeeze my eyes shut. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to ruin this moment for him. If he wants to pretend like everything is absolutely normal, that this is just a Sunday drive and that nothing's different from yesterday, then fine. I will too.

Except I've never been as good as him as putting my emotions in a corner, hiding them behind a wall. In fact, I can't really do it at all.

The song ends as we pull into our apartment building's parking lot. He parks the company truck in one of the better parking spots. We climb out and head into the building, interlocking hands as we push the elevator button and wait for it to arrive.

"So what do you want to do today?" He asks, running his thumb over mine.

"Nothing really, just relax." I answer cautiously, as we step into the elevator. Noah nods his approval as he hits the button with a shiny black 21 on it. I lean into him as we travel upwards, and he wraps his arms around my waist, leaning his back against the wall, cradling me in his arms.

"Maybe take a little nap," I mumble, breathing in that smell that is like my heroine.

"I should probably do some invoices," he sighs, and I laugh at this. He hates those stupid bills.

The ding separates us, and we walk out of the elevator, down the hall, and into our apartment. Noah throws his keys on the counter and heads to the bathroom. I watch him till he closes the door, and sigh. I realize, again, that we haven't talked about it sense we left the doctors. Unhealthy.

I head into the family room and grab a blanket. I settle down on the coach and turn the TV on lightly. The quiet noise always puts me to sleep, and it's not long before I'm drifting off.

We don't do that much today. I wake up in about an hour, and sure enough, Noah is at the kitchen table slaving over his invoices.

Throughout the rest of our evening, I join Noah for awhile at the table, reading the fan mail that has been slowly pilling up at the theater. I laugh and read some to him, and he smiles and lets me. This is unusual, as he's usually in "crazy don't talk to me" concentration mode when he's doing those stupid invoices. I decide to start making dinner as the clock hits 6. Deciding on something easy, I go with spaghetti, as I know that's simple and doesn't require much attention.

"Finished," Noah says, clicking his pen closed and putting the papers in the "finished" stack. "Spaghetti eh?"

"Yeah I hope you don't mind. I didn't really want to make anything to difficult."

"Babe, spaghetti is perfect." He stands up and starts making his way over to me, before the phone rings and he stops. He backtracks to the counter and answers it. I can see the fear in his eyes, they were the one spot he has trouble hiding emotion from.

"Hello?"

"Oh hey Finn,"

I check out of the conversation, going back to stirring the pasta. It was a business call, and it would probably take him awhile.

We don't eat dinner that night. I have everything prepared. The pasta, the sauce (although it's not homemade, shame on me) everything about to be set down and organized on the table. Noah is just walking over to the sink and washing his hands when I go to get the silver ware.

I'm close. It feels like I'm going to burst. We're not talking about it, and it's infuriating me. I have feelings I need to get out, not hide. It might be easy for him, but it's not for me. Why is he doing this, pretending like nothing's going on? Maybe I actually did hope that phone call was the Doctor, just him checking see how we were doing. Because maybe than that would at least force him to face reality and talk to me.

I reach my hand into the utensil drawer, and grab two forks. I then figure that we'll need knifes to cut our pasta (fine, maybe I do eat a little too fancy) and I decide on the special ones. I put my hand back in the drawer just as Noah starts talking to me, and for a split second I hope that he starts talking about the elephant in the room.

He doesn't. It's about Finn's phone call, and a stab of pain runs through me. It's not emotional pain though, it's physical. I lift my hand from the drawer and a trail of blood follows it up. I look at it, and I see that I had literally grabbed our sharpest knife without realizing. I watch the blood run down my hand, and I realize that I just grabbed a knife because I was so sidetracked by the hope that my husband would talk to me about his cancer. How ridiculous is that? I actually wanted to talk about cancer! Who would want to have that conversation? Nobody! Let's talk about you dying! That sounds like fun! And now I literally cut my hand, and a sizeable, bleed able cut at that.

I have my back turned to him, and he must wonder why I'm frozen, as he speaks my name hesitantly.

"Blaine?"

It's too much. I cut myself accidentally. I literally am bleeding.

I laugh. It just sort of comes out. I laugh and I laugh hard. I register Noah standing up quickly, and the scrape of the kitchen chair against the hardwood floor. He runs over to me and turns me around, and oh god, his face as he looks at my hand. So funny! I laugh harder at that, he's seriously so worried about my hand? So he's willing to worry and pay attention to the little cut on my hand, when as we speak cancerous cells are leaving little cuts inside of him? Somebody has their priorities mixed up!

This thought sends me over the edge. I'm now laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes. Everything just becomes so damn funny. His frustration at my laughter, him trying to clean the wound, and wrapping a washcloth around my hand tightly, trying to stop the bleeding.

And now I'm laughing because I'm laughing. It all just feels so good. He's talking to me, but I can't hear him. I laugh louder and louder, and it's starting to hurt my chest my laughs are so powerful. I'm laughing because my husband has cancer? How inappropriate is that? I cut myself I was so frustrated! Ha, if I think of it like that, than it almost sounds like I'm a cutter, and that I didn't do it on accident! I'm laughing at Noah, and he's visibly hurt and confused! Why can't he laugh with me? Why can't he find all this as funny as I do?

Because he's dying.

Kind of takes the laughter out of it. The thought isn't accompanied by another, nothing turns it funny, and nothing lightens it up. Just that one sentence.

He's not laughing because he knows this is the wrong reaction. I'm having a breakdown.

The laughter leaves me, but the crying stays. And it comes harder, full force. I fall to the floor, right out of his arms. I'm not even going to try to hold it in anymore, I can't do it. I can't be strong.

Noah is beside me on the floor instantly, cradling me and pulling me between his legs and holding my back into his chest securely, rocking me.

And I cry. Maybe for a good hour, I don't even know. He starts with me after awhile. I feel the first few tears against my shoulder, and then it hits him as hard as it hits me. We sit there, with his arms wrapped around me, crying our fucking eyes out. It's such a relieving feeling to know he's crying, knowing he's at least feeling, and not hiding.

Like I said, I cry for a good hour. He's better, he only lets the tears fall for about half the time I did. He picks me up off the floor, and carries me honeymoon style to our bed. He lays me down and slides in, curling his body up to mine, and I react the same way; mashing mine as close to his as possible.

"I'm so scared Noah, I'm so scared!" It's barely a whisper.

"I have pancreatic cancer."

"I know! I sob out, actually pounding my fist onto his chest, probably harder than I should have.

"And I will survive."

"You don't know that, nobody does! I don't want to lose you!"

He pulls me closer. He can't know that for sure, he shouldn't have promised me what he did. I shouldn't have asked him to promise me that, seeing as I knew you can't promise shit like that.

"I love you Blaine." UGH! God damnit I'm feeling too much emotion. It feels like my insides are going to burst, like my gut is actually going to explode.

"Damnit Noah, don't tell me that!" He looks at me stunned, and I just shake my head.

"It's going to be that much harder when I lose you…" I mumble, not really knowing what I'm saying anyway.

"I am Noah Puckerman," he murmurs, pulling me tightly. "I overcame being raped when I was ten. I supported a three person family for a very, very long time. I stopped my father from killing you and me. I got you back when you left, I never gave up on love. I started my own business in a place like New York. I fathered an amazing child, made a difference in this world. I found you, and I made the best love with you I could imagine."

I look at him, shocked at his words. He's done a lot. The last tear trails down my face as he finishes his sentence.

"I'm going to add the sentence '_and I beat cancer'_ to that list. I'm going to add it for you..."

_A/N – Oh man, maybe I bit off more than I can chew. Sorry if the sentence structure was odd in this one! Please review and tell me what you guys are thinking of the story thus far! Oh, and thanks again for reading : ) _

_Next chapter: Puck and Blaine continuing to deal, all the while attempting to fit back into normal life and packing for the wedding. Which will be awesome, because it's Beth's and it's going to be in Hawaii. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Song is Skyscraper, by Demi Lovato. _

_That's How Strong My Love Is C3_

_**(Noah)**_

Waking up fully clothed was always weird. Waking up relatively wet was weirder. Knowing it was from my husband's tears stained on to my shirt was just depressing. I sighed onto his forehead as I looked down at him, and I lightly starting trailing my fingers up and down his arm.

It was all out there now. I hoped that the crying, for the most part, was done for now, but I knew that was a foolish hope. It was going to be a long road, and last night was just the beginning. Really, I was stupid yesterday. Of course that's something I would do. Pretend like everything was OK, refuse to acknowledge the problem. Did I know it was killing Blaine, not talking about it? No, I actually didn't. At least if it did, I thought he would actually say something and force me to talk about it.

But then again, that's me being stupid again. Looking back, of course Blaine would try to be strong seeing that I was trying to be. Ugh, fuck me. I should have just gone and talked about it the second we got in the car. Nope, instead I went all Shaggy on his ass and acted all calm and collect.

I have cancer.

It doesn't seem to have the bite or the power that some sentences in the past had. It's weird, but it's almost like I'm not as worried about the cancer, but about Blaine. I mean, of course I'm scared and it's definitely on my mind, but my main worries rest with Blaine. God damnit I do not want to be dragging him through the hell our lives are going to become.

I lay there, holding Blaine close to me, wanting to stay there as long as possible. Alas, nature calls. I lightly slide him off of my chest, and lay him on the bed. As quietly as possible, I leave the bedroom and head for the bathroom.

I go back to the kitchen and dig around the cupboard for the coffee blend. I start it up the maker as I leave the kitchen, heading back for the bedroom. I stood in the doorway for awhile leaning against the frame. It always got me how peaceful he looked when he was sleeping. I was standing there for about a minute before something in my stomach started to ache. I looked down and scowled, and began rubbing the side of my stomach area. The pain increased, and I winced slightly. I made my way to the bed and gently sat down.

Fuck this pain. It was this small ache and the sometimes small stab of pain that first led me to the doctor. They were confused, not sure what it was. They offered a test and I refused. Blaine might have saved my life that day, as when I got home and told him this, he called the office that night and set up an abdomen cat scan. That was about a week ago.

The pain is still the same, maybe slightly worse, but nothing to ride home about. But pain wasn't the only reason he sent me back. It was because I think I offended him when I told him I wasn't really hungry enough to eat this huge dinner he had slaved over. I couldn't give him a clear reason why I wasn't hungry, and that raised a few eyebrows. It happened again a few days latter, and yeah, that helped on Blaine's decision to turn me around and send me to the doctors.

I clutched my side and waited for it to pass. It did, as it always does. I sighed, fully resting my head and back against the backboard of the bed. I look over at Blaine, and realize he's awake. And he was watching me.

I shrug under his intense gaze, not knowing what to say.

"You have cancer…" he mumbles, reaching out and simply touching my leg, as if he needs to have skin to skin contact.

"That I do," I reach down and take his hand in mine. I smile at him, trying to put the most comfort as possible.

"Pancreatic Cancer," He begins, and I finish for him.

"Stage two."

He nods and sighs. "It's going to be a hard year."

"We'll make it through this together Blaine, you know that, right? I'm not leaving you."

He crawls into my lap and stays there, wrapping his arms around me, and I wrap mine around him.

"I love this. These moments. These mornings when I wake up and I get to cuddle with you. I get to feel your muscles under my hand, and your smell fills my nose…"

"I love them too. Whenever your near, that's the only time I'm happy."

He rolls his eyes, "Oh please Noah now that's being overdramatic. I was being totally honest and truthful, and then you go and say that." His tones teasing and I nibble on his neck as payback.

"I mean it," I growl against his skin. He starts rubbing his hand up and down my chest, when it suddenly shoots a pain through my insides.

"Ugh," I grit out, clenching my teeth and squishing my face together. He's crawling off of me instantly, and putting a hand over my stomach, and, I notice, over where my pancreas will be.

"I'm sorry!"

"It's not your fault," I tell him, he doesn't need to feel guilty. He relaxes slightly and moves till he's sitting beside me, leaning against the bed rest. He turns his head to face me and I turn mine to him.

"I think it's time to talk about telling people."

"Yeah, I've already been thinking about it a bit…" I murmur, knowing that this is a conversation we need to have, and that I'm not going to be a pussy like yesterday and attempt to put it off.

"Me too… so what do you think?"

"I think the answer is obvious. We'll wait till after the wedding, and after they come home from their honeymoon."

Blaine nods and sighs. "Yeah that's the only answer that made sense in my head to. I mean, we can't ruin that for them, right? But they come back to New York only two days before the surgery, it's going to be an information overload…"

"Better that than ruin their wedding, or their honeymoon for that matter."

"No I agree." Blaine starts tracing lines on the sheets, and I watch him carefully. I know what he's going to say before he does; it's the logical next question.

"And everybody else? When do you want to tell Finn and Rachel? Kurt and David? Santana and Brittany?"

"We can't tell Santana and Brittany, as I don't want them to have to keep a secret from their son. And seeing as their son is marrying our daughter, they're going to feel really bad keeping that secret."

"That's what I figured too. But Rachel and Finn? We both work with them, and we're going to see them before we leave in two days for Hawaii. Do we want to tell them before, maybe practice on them?"

"Rachel would be the worst person to practice on; she can barely control her emotions as it is."

"So do you want to talk to Kurt and David, have them know before the wedding?"

"No."

"When do you want to tell?"

I sigh, I might as well just go out and say it.

"I don't know Blaine; I just don't want to tell anybody till after the wedding. I want to feel normal for as long as possible."

The look on his face clearly says _Oh, I should have realized_, and I chuckle a little. I reach for his hand as he reaches for mine.

"I understand. Okay then, we'll wait till after the wedding. Nobody has to know but us till then."

"Thank you."

The coffee alarm goes off and I sigh. I clutch my side lightly, almost instinctively by now. It's not really hurting, just, should I say, aching? The feeling is annoying as fuck, and Blaine gives me a sad look as I lightly rub my side and leave the bed.

I return to the kitchen and pour my first cup of coffee for the day. I'm just sitting down with the newspaper (I know, how clichéd, but hey, it's New York, daily news is actually pretty interesting) when Blaine walks in stretching. He goes for the coffee too, and then walks around the table to go turn the TV on.

Aaah, the usual routine. Life is good.

"So are you going to clean the kitchen or am I?" He calls from the couch and I roll my eyes. He would say something like that.

"I thought we could just have spaghetti for brunch babe, you already made it."

"That's what I was thinking too."

We both laugh. Yeah he's being very agreeing lately, can't he just make up his own mind? It's a Sunday, so not much happens. Blaine has a short meeting at the theater, so I drive him there, drop him off and head to one of my current job sites. The head of an apartment complex is flying in for only today and there are things Finn and I need to talk to him about.

It's different, but not quite as different as I thought it would be. Driving around town, walking into the apartment, seeing Finn and then seeing our client, talking through the meeting. It didn't feel like I thought it would. Like I would be treated differently, be considered changed because of my condition. Like everything at the jobsites would change, or that people wouldn't quite be straight with me anymore.

_Be easy on Puckerman, he has cancer._

_ Did you hear? Noah Puckerman has cancer!_

There was none of that. Besides the small nagging feeling in the back of my head, I was relatively fine and normal. I went throughout my business and nothing changed. It made me happy as I realized this.

My spirits fell though, as Finn and I walked out of the apartment complex and headed to the parking ramp.

"Getting excited for the big day?" Finn asks, hitting me on the shoulder.

"The big day? What?" My mind instantly went to the surgery, and my face instantly sets to one of anger. Why does he need to bring that shit up!

"Your daughter's wedding?"

_Oh yeah. Fuck Puckerman. _My spirits plummeted then. I realized why today was so normal, and I'm fucking stupid for thinking I was in the clear, that it would stay like this.

They don't know yet, I remind myself. It will all change when they do. I grit my teeth and continue walking forward, and Finn eyes me cautiously.

"Dude, something up? You and Blaine okay?"

"Yeah we're fine Finn, sorry I snapped." I mumbled, knowing the only way I was going to get out of an explanation was if I made up some bullshit excuse.

"I'm just nervous for the 'big day,' you know? Knowing my luck, something is probably going to go wrong."

"Beth and Jared are in love, we both know that. It'll be fine."

Not the big day I was talking about Finn, but I'm glad you fell for the word play anyway. Ha. Finn 1,929 Noah 38,492 (yeah I keep track).

I pick up Blaine at the theater and we head towards Starbucks. It was our usual routine to get coffee on the Sunday's that we had errands to run.

I ordered for us as Blaine got a table.

"It felt kind of weird today, didn't it?" He asks as I sat down, handing him his coffee. "Like you had this deep dark secret that you couldn't tell anybody."

"It did. I almost freaked at Finn when he said the words 'the big day,' I thought he was talking about the surgery."

"But he was talking about the wedding?" Blaine correctly guessed.

"Yeah. How stupid is that? I got mad at him for talking about my daughter's wedding."

"Not stupid at all," He mumbles, sipping his coffee and eyeing me sadly. "It's going to be hard… at the wedding," he adds, when he could tell I wasn't quite following.

"I know. Looking at Beth is going to be almost unbearable."

"I think you'll find a way," Blaine says teasingly. "At least you better, you know Kurt was the one who found her dress, right?"

"I thought it was Santana?"

"Nope, it was Kurt."

"That kid always did like weddings a bit too much."

"I still can't believe she's getting married. Our little girl, dressed in white."

"Like when she was four, and we would both have to stop studying for our exams just to play dress up with her? She always wanted to wear white, and she always wanted us in anything black."

"Because she wanted us to look like we had tuxes on," Blaine said, remembering the memory. He then suddenly gasps and sits a bit taller. "We still haven't packed yet and we leave tomorrow morning!"

"Damn that cancer, huh? Making us forget to pack!"

He slumps back down into the chair and grins at me. "Are we already joking about it? The wound's pretty fresh."

"You can't live without laughing," I grin back, leaning over the table and brushing my lips against his.

**P&BP&BP&B**

It's chaotic. I've lived with Blaine for a long time now, and it still gets me how much the man needs to pack. I've tried to break him of the habit hundreds of times, but it always seems to reemerge and come back. It's like he can't go anyway unless he has half of the apartment with him. Throughout the day I'm constantly telling him no.

"No, you don't need to bring towels, the hotel will have some!"

"No, Blaine, please! You already packed five shorts and we're only going to be there for three days!"

"Babe, what are you thinking? You don't need to bring four different bottles of gel, just choose one!"

I'm repeatedly sneaking into his bag (which is sizably bigger than mine) and taking out the things that he really doesn't need. He catches me a few times, but I do successfully hide the thermal blanket and hair dryer he seemed to think he had to have.

As I had a lot less to pack then him (seriously, not even three days, more like two and a half?) I was almost done before he was half finished. I just had one last thing to find, and that was my bowtie that would be matching my tux. It was the one I wore at Blaine and my wedding, and I haven't worn it sense. It was only right that the next time I wore it was at our daughters.

I walked into the music room. It was supposed to be the apartments guest bedroom, but we (I) redesigned it to be a music room for Blaine's thirty fifth birthday. At the center sat a grand black piano, and at the side sat a slick black guitar.

The room was beautiful too. It was for his birthday, so I kind of had to go all out. Lining the walls of the room were pictures, pictures that captured Blaine and my lifetime. So those were on the side walls. The farthest wall, and the wall that the piano faced, had a beautiful glass window, overlooking the streets of New York. Yeah, I really outdid myself.

I walked over to the wall on the right, and walked to Blaine and my wedding picture. Sitting under it rested the bowtie that has been lying there for years, almost serving as decoration while it waited to be used again. I had planned to just walk in here, grab it and leave, but as always, the pictures just drew me in. I continued down the shelf, smiling as I saw pictures of our honeymoon, and then pictures of us returning home to Beth. I saw Blaine at his first opening night, and I saw one of me in front of my first jobsite.

A tear fell down my face as I saw one of Beth and Jared; it was one of their first pictures together. Young love was written all over their faces, plane for the world to see. Yeah, maybe we all knew he was the one, a long time ago. I looked to the far wall, the one with the window on it. The window only took about the middle half of the room. On either side sat more shelves.

But these shelves were different. They were picture less. They didn't hold the past, they promised the future. Those shelves, the ones framing the window, is where our future photos will go.

Pain shot through my stomach, and I doubled over, grabbing the piano for support. I breathed heavily, waiting it out. God fucking damnit, worst fucking time ever for that shit to happen. I looked back up at the shelves. They didn't hold a fucking promise, they held a fucking threat. It was like they screamed, "look at us, bare and empty, just how we will be from now on!"

I gritted my teeth and made my way around to the front of the piano, gently lowering myself on the bench.

"Damn it cancer, get the fuck away. Get the fuck out of me. Stop!"

I pushed against my stomach again, and this time it did. The pain eased, back to that odd feeling. The one where you just know it's there.

I placed my fingers on the keys, and breathed deep breaths, telling myself to relax. I wasn't going to cry, no, I'm done with that shit. I've got my feelings out, I don't need to be a pussy. I play the first note, and then continue it, picking up the melody. I'm glad Blaine and I had taught the other how to play the piano and the guitar. He's right, it almost really is healing.

_(Noah)_

**Skies are crying, I am watching  
Catching tear drops in my hands  
Only silence, has it's ending  
Like we never had a chance  
Do you have to make me feel like  
There's nothing left of me?**

Fuck you Cancer. You will not beat me. I will have pictures on those walls, they will document the many years Blaine and I have together. You can make my body feel like shit, as I'm sure you will be putting me through a lot worse, but no way in hell are you going to be taking my spirit with you.

**You can take everything I have  
You can break everything I am  
Like I'm made of glass  
Like I'm made of paper  
Go on and try to tear me down  
I will be rising from the ground  
Like a skyscraper  
Like a skyscraper**

And if you think I can't, just watch. Sit back and fucking watch. I outlined last night to Blaine all the things I've done, all the things I've overcame. I didn't really believe myself then; I was only saying it for Blaine's benefit. But why not? Why can't I beat you? I can, and I will.

**As the smoke clears, I awaken  
And untangle you from me  
Would it make you feel better  
To watch me while I bleed?  
All my windows still are broken  
But I'm standing on my feet**

I can feel him behind me, I know he's there. I can see in my mind's eye what he looks like, leaning against the door frame, watching me. He most likely has a tear sliding down his check by now, and I almost wish he would come in the room and sing this fucking song to me. Because it's not just me that will beat this shit, it's us.

**You can take everything I have  
You can break everything I am  
Like I'm made of glass  
Like I'm made of paper  
Go on and try to tear me down  
I will be rising from the ground  
Like a skyscraper  
Like a skyscraper**

I almost don't play the rest of the song. I stop playing the piano, and it's like my hands are frozen, unable to move. OK so I do let a tear fall, and fine, maybe I am a fucking pussy. This is all just so overwhelming. I hear him come in then, sending shivers down my spine. Whenever he sings accapella, it always gets me. I don't continue playing though, I wait till he finishes the final verse.

(_Blaine_)

**Go run, run, run  
I'm gonna stay right here,  
Watch you disappear  
Yeah, oh  
Go run, run, run  
Yeah, it's a long way down  
But I am closer to the clouds up here**

He walks till he's standing in front of the piano, looking across it into my face. Looks like I was right, he's got tears streaming down his face as he looks at me. He nods his head and I take the cue, slowly playing the piano part of the final chorus.

_ (P&B)_

**You can take everything I have  
You can break everything I am  
Like I'm made of glass  
Like I'm made of paper  
Oh Oh  
Go on and try to tear me down  
I will be rising from the ground  
Like a skyscraper  
Like a skyscraper**

He comes and sits down next to me on the bench and rests his head against my shoulder. He doesn't say anything as he lets me play out the final chords of the piano, and wraps his arm into and around mine as I hold out the final note.

"Looking at that stupid shelf?" He mumbles, sliding his hand over mind and almost massaging it.

"Yeah, it kind of just gets to you." I already feel a lot better having Blaine here, and having sang with him.

"I've been avoiding this room. Memories almost feel… tainted now."

"Because you think you won't get the opportunity to make new ones.." I whisper, not being able to tear my eyes away from that damn shelf.

"Yeah, something like that."

We don't say anything for awhile, we just sit there. It's comfortable though, it always is when I'm with him.

"You've perfected the piano," he finally muses, slipping his hand on the keyboard and playing a lazy one handed melody.

"Babe, I learned forever ago. You are quite the teacher."

"You were quite the student. Your determination is unmatched."

"Yes it is," I grit out, almost to myself. I glare at that shelf, and wrap an arm around Blaine's waist to pull him closer to me.

"Yes it is…"

_A/N – Please review (or comment now? I don't like how this site changes constantly)! Next chapter is in Hawaii and takes place during the wedding. More than one person will find out Blaine's and Puck's secret! :O! _


	4. Chapter 4

_Song in here is "That's How Strong My Love Is" by Alicia Keys. Type in "Youtube" on google search, than copy and paste this - watch?v=tWftSexaM_Y_

_That's How Strong My Love Is C4_

(_**Blaine**_)

It was hot. Like, beyond hot. Noah and I sat practically fanning ourselves. It was funny actually, seeing Noah with a Hawaiian foldout fan. Originally he refused to use one on pride alone, but trust me people, it was hot. We sat in the front row, in a meadow overlooking the Hawaiian sea at sunset. Seeing my daughter in white, saying her vows to the man she loved, IN HAWAII, was just something else. Both Noah and I were crying. I was balling, and he only let a few tears slide down, but really. This was a moment right here.

_I'm glad Noah got to see this. _

God damnit, it just slipped out! I did not mean to think that, I didn't think that actually! Nope! Totally just a mind space, and that thought did not enter my mind.

I grip his hand tighter (the one that wasn't using his fan) and he gives me a sideways smile. I lean over and give him a kiss on his check, and he turns his full attention to me, looking back at me and almost growling. Oh my god and we're in the front row. He gives my lips some quick attention, and pulls away, but not before murmuring "I'll always be here."

It sends shivers down my spine, knowing it's like he knew what I was thinking. He turns his focus back to the wedding, and my eyes follow his until they land back at our daughter. Guilt tickles the inside of my stomach as I think about how happy she is now, and how unhappy she is going to be in about a week.

_**(yesterday afternoon)**_

"Dads!" Beth shouted, as Noah and I came walking out of the terminal and into the lobby of the Hawaiian airport. We both laughed as she ran like a ten year old to us, comically overexcited at the situation.

"You are 28 B and you still run to us every time we see you," Noah teases, scooping her up in his arms.

"Dad, you should know I will always do that! I don't give a rat's ass if I'm 12 or 52, . ."

I know we both feel it. That second when her words send a shiver down our spines. We don't need to look at the other to know, it's just understood. Each of us cringes slightly, but the moment passes. We are ready for this, we know what to do. Just. Keep. Going.

"You are so funny," I tell her, motioning for a hug.

"Oh Daddy I missed you!" She tells me, running into my arms, causing a huge grin to play over my fun.

"She really did, it was almost sad," I hear Jared say, and I look over to see my husband and him shake hands. They're both smiling like baboons of course, those two get along perfectly, seeing as Jared was one of Noah's best employees.

He turns his eyes to me and I smile, and his smile widens also. We shake hands, and he gives me a wink. "And here's the troublesome husband."

"No work talk Jared!" Beth scolds, hitting him on the shoulder. We all smile. I laugh alittle, because I know exactly what he's talking about. I actually am a little bit too much of a distraction when it comes to work and Noah, and Noah's productiveness. This is something that drives Finn and Jared crazy, but hey, shit still gets down.

"I was only saying hi!" He responds, wrapping his hand behind her neck and pulling her into a kiss.

"Tommorow!" Beth sings, pulling back from the kiss. She interlocks her hand with Jared's and then starts walking away. "You guys go collect your luggage, Santana and Brittany's plane is about to arrive. We'll meet you in the lobby!" She turns back to Jared, laughing all the way.

We both watch her leave and then we both sigh.

"Did you feel it?" Noah asks me, still watching her.

"Yeah I did..."

"It's going to be a long three days."

I grab his hand and shrug. "It'll get better."

(_**Present Time**_)

It did, but only by a little bit. It was awesome seeing Santana and Brittany again, but still, there always seemed to be that dark passenger in the room. Same for this morning when our other friends arrived. It wasn't so bad seeing Rachel and Finn, seeing as we already had seen them since we found out Noah has cancer, but it was definitely hard not telling Kurt and David. We hadn't seen them in so long it felt like a betrayal of trust, keeping something so big from them.

But we were doing this for Beth and Jared. This was their day, their night, not ours.

My eyes shifted back to my daughter, and yep, more tears came down. She was gorgeous. She was about my height, maybe a little shorter, but she was beautiful. She had dark hair that seemed to flow down past her shoulders and to her mid back, perfectly wavy and sleek. She seemed to have the perfect face of Quinn, but she had her father's eyes. Just another reason why those eyes were the prettiest in the world.

And she was a perfect person too. Her kindness and sympathy was unparalleled, as was her talent of knowing people. She had all the best attributes of a child, she was care free, easy going, forgiving, playful, funny, and all the best attributes of an adult; she was responsible, dedicated, hard working, and she knew what was to be done and when to do it.

And her voice. Every time I hear her voice I get goose bumps. She is certainly the daughter of two musicians, and she gives Noah a race for best voice in the world. When she was in high school, she took her Glee club all the way to Nationals. One of the proudest moments of my life was sitting down at regional's, and watch her belt through a Mariah Carey solo number (yes, we had a say in her musical preferences) that landed them to Nationals.

Beth was truly a daughter Noah and I could be proud of.

And Jared was going to make an excellent son-in-law. We already knew how devoted he was to his work, as I already said; he was probably Noah's best employee. But our love for him goes beyond his ability and contribution to the company. He had almost all the traits that made Beth wonderful, (kind, thankful, easy-going, relaxed) but he was much more down to earth.

Beth was funny sometimes at how crazy she should could get, how excited and hyped up. Jared was just a cool guy. With parents like Santana and Brittany though, how could he not be?

Seeing the two of them together just inspired you. I'm pretty sure every person witnessing this wedding knew that these to people had found something special, and that this was the real deal. After I glanced around, I found I was right. My eyes landed on teary faces wherever they looked, and this only made me smile more. My little girl, making all these people so happy.

I spotted Santana and Brittany over at the other side of the aisle, holding each other's hand tightly and not even trying to hide their tears… or there smiles. Rachel was a complete mess, that was understandable, but so was Finn… Yeah I guess I saw that one coming. David was relatively tear free, but Kurt had the waterworks going, and I laughed at that.

Noah looked over at me when I laughed, and I just gave him a shrug. He gave me a teasing 'you're so weird' look before returning his gaze to the altar.

And then there was my husband. Big, strong, tough skinned Noah Puckerman. And yep, he had tears sliding down his face. I could only imagine half the thoughts that were probably rolling through his head right now, and each one made me cringe. All the emotions he's feeling, god it would crush somebody. I'm sure he thought the same thing I did, thank god he's here to see this, and I'm sure it's killing him inside. Nobody should miss this. No father, no brother, no mother, nobody. And there's a lot more moments to come that are going to be like that. That simply shouldn't be missed, and-

My thought is stopped as Noah squeezes my hand, and let's out an (I'm guessing) involuntarily silent gasp. My eyes follow his and land on a kissing Beth and Jared, just breaking apart and smiling at each other. We all stand and cheer as the couple make their way back down the aisle, hand in hand.

The crowd starts dispersing, heading over to the reception area for the dinner. I immediately go on the guard, and I hate myself for it. I take Noah's hand, and I know that he's currently putting the walls back up too after our brief respite.

Damn the end of the wedding, because that means we have to go brave the crowd again. Socializing, looking into these people's faces, yeah, it was hard. Downright horrible for some people. To know your saying lies every time someone comes up to you and says 'Blaine! I haven't seen you forever! How are you? What's new?' and then you respond with telling them you're elated and that nothing's going on besides the wedding. Because yeah, a hell of a lot more is going down. It feels like it's Noah and I against the world, when really, I know all these people would side with us if they just knew.

Instead we give them lies.

I sigh as I grip Noah's hand tighter, and he grips right back. "Just keep going," he murmurs, repeating what we've told each other so many times over since arriving here in Hawaii.

I give him a nod and a small smile, not wanting to talk, as I'm afraid my voice will betray me. We head over to the reception, just as Kurt and Karofsky come and join us. Ugh.

"You're daughter is now married!" Kurt nudges me on the shoulder, giving me one of his trademark wide smiles.

"I know, I'm kind of in a daze right now," I nod my agreement. There we go, that's kind of an excuse for me going slightly comatose!

"And David even cried a bit!"

"It was like two tears OK, you had like two million!" He argues back, Kurt snickering.

"Two more than I thought you would have, and a few million less than what would be expected of me. I thought I held myself well actually."

"I didn't," Noah sighed beside me, and both David and Kurt snickered. "I know," he responds to their laughing, "I was a wreck." He looks at me and gives me the smallest of winks. It's these small things that somehow kick start me, giving me the strength to put up the act as well.

So I do. And I do a pretty good job. Noah and I stay together and remain relatively normal throughout the dinner. Noah's speech was amazing, and heartbreaking at the same time. A lot goes unsaid that only I pick up on, but I'm sure a few people notice something. Rachel gives Kurt the 'what the hell was that?' look, and Brittany whispers something in Santana's ear, something that causes her to frown.

But they don't ask and nothing else is said. We continue to talk to everybody, forming a family reception line after dinner and before the dance extravaganza. Beth is in full bloom, as is Jared, and it's their spirit that really lights up the room. Noah and I meet countless of people, mostly Santana and Brittany's relatives that we never met before. We're introduced to a few of Jared's friends for the first time, and are reacquainted with Beth's.

I pull Noah aside as the reception line begins to dwindle, and we practice our vocal warm ups.

"Babe, this is ridiculous," he tries in vein, "we don't need to warm up, we always sound perfect."

"We are singing for Beth and Jared's first dance as a married couple, and first dance of the night!" He scolds, and I give him an eye roll which successfully gives me an eye glare.

"You know I only do that to get a rise out of you?" I ask, winking at him. Now it's my turn to get an eye roll, but I laugh as it's accompanied with a blush.

The wedding planner spots us in the corner practicing, grabs us and leads us outside. We both gasp as we look at the new scene. While everybody was inside having dinner and talking with the family, the outside was turned into yet another beautiful scene. A dancefloor was placed on the lawn, and round tables with small chairs litter the far reaches of the meadow. On either side of the dancehall is two raised platforms, with each platform containing a single stool.

"It's more beautiful than I imagined it would be," I breath out, momentarily stunned. But I'm not for long, because we're soon on the move again. Once all the guests start spilling outside and out into the meadow, Noah and I take our respective seats on the two stools, separated from each other by the dance floor.

Once everybody is outside, Shelly, (Beth's maid of honor) takes to the microphone and announces that Beth and Jared will now share their first dance, to a song sung by Beth's fathers, Noah and Blaine Puckerman. My heart beats a mile a minute as Jared walks over to Beth, bows, and reaches for her hand. The piano starts just as they take their first step on to the empty dance floor. Noah and I watch from different sides as they walk on, but as soon as I sing my first line, my eyes snap back to his, fifty feet away from mine. He locks onto them immediately.

(_Blaine_)

**Some people they call me crazy  
For fallin' in love with you  
They can take me and lock me away baby  
Cause there's nothing those bars can do**

_(Noah)_

**I'll be the rising moon after the setting sun  
just to let you know you'll always have someone  
I'll be the clearest day when the rain is done  
So you'll always know**

Beth and Jared glide around the dance floor flawlessly, with the white spotlight following their every move. They had told us that they rehearsed this dance more times than they could count, but only to the Alicia version. It's all so much more real as Noah and I sing it. Noah. It's like a current is running through us. I know what he's thinking, he knows what I am. We both mean every word, we both are trying so say so much more. I just want him to know I'm going to be there, that our love is stronger than this intruder.

(_Blaine_)

**Through the shake of an earthquake  
I will never fall  
That's how strong my love is**

(_Noah_)

**Like a ship through the storm  
we can risk it all  
That's how strong my love is**

My eyes fall to my hands, and tears start streaming then. I look over into the crowd, and their faces all look at the couple with amazement. I can't believe I'm here. In Hawaii, with Noah, singing to their first song. How blessed my life has been and is. It's almost too much, and I barely register when it's my turn to sing again, quickly pulling the microphone to my lips.

(_Noah_)

**I used to feel kinda lonely  
Cause the world can be so fake  
All it matters I'm tellin' you  
It's you and me only  
And the fortress from love we make**

_(Blaine)_

**I'll be the water you need in the desert land  
Just to let you know you'll always have my hand  
I'll be the one you need to be a better man  
So you'll always know**

He's looking at me like I'm the only person in the world. He's almost pleading with me, begging me with his eyes to understand how much love he feels. I do understand Noah, I feel it back. I put my hand to my heart and then to my stomach, above my pancreas, and then back to my heart. I tear falls down his face as he does the same.

_(Blaine)_

**Through the shake of an earthquake  
I will never fall  
**

_(P&B)_

**That's how strong my love is**

(_Noah_)

**Like a ship through the storm  
we can risk it all  
**

_(P&B)_

**That's how strong my love is**

We stand then. It's all too much. Beth and Jared start doing the moves they've been practicing for years, complete with lifts, spins, and everything else that would make a slow dance as mesmerizing as powerful as possible. I love my daughter, and I'm immensely happy for her, so I mean it in the nicest way possible when I saw… I don't even realize what she's doing. I have no idea what anybody else is doing either. I have eyes for only Noah. I reach out my hand and he does the same. God this probably looks so clichéd, but I really don't care. I want his touch.

**(P&B)**

**Oh, can't nothing break us down  
Oh, 'cause we are heaven bound  
Like the mountain standing tall...  
Immovable; we're here to stay  
Oh, can't nothing get in the way**

The final part of the song is the biggest. I don't even try to keep eye contact with Noah, instead I just close them. I can't trust myself to be able to finish the song and hit these notes if I continue looking at the only man I've ever truly loved. I send a prayer up to god. I beg him that he lets us pass this test he sent us, that he makes everything we're saying become the truth. Let our love be this strong. Let it overcome.

Please.

(_Noah_)

**Through the shake of an earthquake  
I will never fall** (_Blaine_ - **I will never fall**)  
**That's how strong my love is** (_Blaine_ - **that's how strong my love my love is**)

**Like a ship through the storm  
We can risk it all** (Blaine - **we can risk it all, all**)  
**That's how strong my love is** (Blaine - **that love is**)

**Through the deepest waters  
**_(P&B)_

**I won't let you drown (**_Only Blaine_ –**OHH**)

**That's how strong my love is** (_Blaine_ - **Oh that's how strong my love, my love, my love**)  
**Cause we're the moon in the sky  
That will never come down** (_Blaine_ - **never come down**)  
**That's how strong my love is** (_Blaine_ - **Oh that's how strong my love is**)  
**That's how strong my love is**  
_(P&B)_

**That's how strong my love is**

I open my eyes as my tears fall and I lower my microphone, watching Noah do the same. Everyone cheers at the two dancers, slightly (very) out of breath but going for a shared kiss anyway. The spotlight hit us and yeah, we're both embarrassed, all these people are seeing us cry. But they have no idea just what that song meant to us. Either way, the clapping and cheering is increased, until Noah and I are smiling at the crowd.

We walk off our individual platforms and hug each other in the middle of the dance floor, before embracing Beth and Jared. They look at us with smiles, both thinking our tears are from happiness at the moment, and not from anything else.

The next few minutes go by in a complete blur. We are ushered off the stage as some current dance pop song blares, and the younger crowd comes racing on. Noah and I have barely enough time to embrace or talk in private before Rachel is grabbing my hand, and I turn to see her, Finn, Kurt, David, Brittany, and Santana march Noah and I inside.

"What are you doing?"

"Where are we going?"

We both try in vain to put up a fight, to understand just what it is that's going on. But nobody responds, they just keep dragging us inside the building, down some stairs and into this beautiful room. It's decorated all things Hawaiian and its best describer would be to simply say it's like a conference room, but designed for comfort.

Nobody sits on the nice chairs or soft coaches that line the walls of the room, instead they all stand and then push Noah and I to the center. We look at each other as we practically catch the other from following. We know what this is.

"What the fuck is going on?" Santana sneers first, and it's so Santana-esque that I'm caught off guard. I have to remember these people need to hear the news first before they can change their attitudes.

"We know something is up," Rachel continues, glaring at both of us. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist; you should have seen the two of you during that song.

"During the song?" Kurt squeals, also glaring at the two of us. "What about during Noah's speech. "What the hell does 'love will last forever, no matter what my come' mean?"

Finn continues, and Noah and I almost laugh at how misplaced their anger is.

"Or even 'treat each second you have with the other a blessing?' I mean what the fuck are you trying to say their dude?"

We don't say anything. We eye each other up sadly and link hands. It goes beyond that as I wrap my hand around his neck and he then wraps his around my waist. We (yet again) have eyes for only each other as we speak in whispers.

"I felt what you were trying to say…" I tell him, water coming back to my eyes as I look up into his.

"And I felt what you were saying too," he nods, pushing his lips down to mine.

"Well none of us got what you were saying so please, put it in a simpler language." Santana snaps, ending our little display of love.

We break apart then, only keeping our hands connected.

"We were saying…" I began, but didn't know how to continue. This didn't feel right. I didn't want to be forced to tell all these people this thing. It's not like we were never going to tell them, but this little scene paints it like that.

"That our love is stronger than anything. That we will survive and still be there for the other to lean on."

I look over at him again, not even hiding the pain in my eyes.

"We got that." Santana murmurs.

"That we can survive cancer," he continues, and the silence that follows is palpable. "Because I have pancreatic cancer. Diagnosed three days ago."

It's hard to believe that anger had just filled this room to the brim. Hard to believe that six faces can turn from angry to shocked and scared so instantly.

We wait, we don't keep eye contact with anybody but the other, not wanting to look at anybody else.

"You didn't want to tell us because of the wedding. You didn't want to ruin Beth and Jared's night." David observes, quietly and sadly.

"We still aren't," Noah says, finally looking back into the crowd of our friends and making eye contact with David. "They won't find out until after they get back from their honeymoon."

"But why didn't you tell Rachel and I?" Finn breaths out, tears already sliding down his face.

"Because, though you can't help it Finn, starting from about a minute ago, you won't look at me the same way. You probably won't for a very long time. You aren't right now, nor will you for the rest of the night. I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to save myself, and Blaine, from having to see the fear and sympathy in your eyes, in all your eyes, for just a little bit longer."

They all break down then, every single one of them starts crying.

"It's not your fault you guys, I'm not blaming any of you! It's human instinct. Now," He pulls me forward and closer to everybody else, who all look mildly shocked at the decreased distance. "Come here and give Blaine and me a hug, we might as well get the comforting part the fuck over."

They all do. They all walk forward slowly, wrapping their arms around a part of Blaine and I, everybody touching everybody else in some way.

And maybe it does feel better now that it's out. At least for me. His words scare me to their core, but I understand them perfectly. But hearing and feeling all of our friends sobs, and being squished in this love sandwich, yeah, it's kind of amazing. A tiny bit of weight, it feels, is lifted off our shoulders, and I breathe out a sigh of relief.

Six people down, the rest of the world to go.

_A/N - Please share with me your thoughts! Next update will hopefully be sooner. I've kind of been having this idea for a different story totally taking over my attention._

_ I'm thinking of a flashback segment in the next chapter? Hmm, not really sure yet. Anyway, thanks for reading and sharing my Puck/Blaine addiction!_


	5. Chapter 5

(_**Noah**_)

I woke up groggily, lying next to Blaine in our sweat. Really, we turned the air condition on and everything, but god it was always just so hot here. I untangle myself from my husband, realizing that we probably could have survived without the other's body heat last night. I get up slowly, resting my back against the bed frame.

I hate mornings. There usually one of the worst times for my fucking pancreas, or whatever shit was hurting. I groaned as quietly as possible as (as I predicted) the pain started, and I put my hand over my side.

Well last night was something else, I tell myself, trying to distract myself from the pain. Blaine and I had successfully told six of our closest friends my secret, and yeah, I guess it did feel better afterward. They didn't look at me the same, but I dealt with it. I did my best to ignore it, and my best is always pretty damn good.

The eight of us were inseparable for the rest of the night. Beth and Jared caught on and wondered why we hardly left each other's side (it was pretty weird having eight people always be together) but we just shrugged it off and played it as the whole 'just like old times' thing. It was so much easier looking at people, talking with them and partying knowing that six other people shared our secret.

I looked over at my husband, and I smiled. It differently helped Blaine too. I could tell that it was like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders, knowing that his friends knew. And I did feel the same relief that he did. Just not for the same reason. Because really, telling all of our friends didn't really matter. It wasn't like I was dying from the secret, couldn't hold up the weight. Telling them didn't help me in the end, wouldn't help me fight this stupid disease that's eating my body. No, I was relieved only because _Blaine was relieved_. After all, that's the fucking endgame. I need Blaine to be OK.

It was nice, knowing Beth and Jared were gone now, off to a different island and away from us. We didn't have to lie anymore, at least to them. I slowly got up and made my way to the bathroom. My fucking pancreas still ached, I hadn't even know you could feel the bitch for 45 years and now it's ruining my fucking mornings.

Oh and this fucking diarrhea. Fuck this shit, I hated cancer. _Obvioulsy. _I mentally rolled my eyes at myself. Nobody said it was going to be fucking easy. When I finally finished, I washed my hands like ten times. Serioulsy, I hate when I feel fucking gross, and that's what I feel now. I make my way back to our room, finally looking at the clock. 7:30.

_OK Noah, it is 7:30 and you are on vacation. Go back to sleep. _

I can't though. It's too hot and I feel fucking gross, so I decide to brave the outside patio. The view is amazing, but it still doesn't do much for me. Wasn't I supposed to be looking at the world differently? Wasn't the smell of the ocean supposed to be life changing now? Wasn't air supposed to be better to breathe? Where's my, oh my god, _everything is so much better than I remembered_ moment?

_It's to fucking hot to have that kind of moment, _I tell myself.

I settle on taking a shower. Might as well try to wash away the dirtiness I feel.

The rest of the day goes by quickly. Blaine and I have breakfast with our six friends, and a lot more is said than the few words (regarding cancer) we exchanged last night.

They now have the details on the surgery, and to Blaine and my surprise, they all agreed they would make it to the hospital that day. I was thrilled at this news, as Blaine sitting there alone, waiting, was not a thought I liked to think. Knowing he would be surrounded by friends made surgery day a lot less intimidating.

We talked about the warning sign's my body gave me, and the way Blaine turned me around and sent me back to the doctor's office. We talked about what it was like first finding out, and how Blaine and I handled it. Some of them shared stories about their own families and their previous experiences with cancer. Come to find out, Santana, Kurt, David, and Rachel had had a family member diagnosed with cancer.

Santana went ahead and told us that her tia died from it, and Kurt was vocal about how his cousin survived it, but both David and Rachel brushed past the whole outcome of the experience. I understood not wanting to talk about it perfectly.

(_**Blaine**_)

I took Noah's hand as we walked down and out of the Hotel's lobby. I smiled as the sunlight hit my skin, and smiled wider when I looked over and saw it hit Noah's.

The trip back to the airport was relatively quiet. Noah actually took a small lap in the back of the cab, I didn't mind though; I had the amazing view to occupy me. Well and my thoughts. And that's too bad, as I didn't necessarily like them.

It has been seven days since Noah and I last had sex. Before the announcement, we were lucky if we could make it a day without tearing away each other's clothes. Now it's been a full week, and it was tearing me up inside. We had just spent two romantic nights in a Hawaiian hotel, just had a major milestone in our daughter's marriage, and yet we didn't touch each other.

We haven't really touched each other or even made out since the announcement. Unless you count the one in the office, but that was just because we were so emotionally drained; we couldn't use our words.

It's not like I haven't tried, because god damnit I have. Both nights I've been trying, trying to worm my way into those arms and get him to love me back. He just says no. He refuses to touch me sexually, and refuses to let me touch him too.

It's always, "I'm too tired, it's been a long day," or "my side is aching." And I would totally accept that excuse, if I didn't know he was lying. I know Noah better than I know myself. He can't lie to me, it's almost impossible. And I know when he's actually in pain. And those times I tried? Yeah, he wasn't.

But I let him push me away. At least for now. The reason is probably something stupid, like he doesn't want to infect me or shit, because no, that's totally not possible. But I won't let this continue for long. I'll force him to let me love him.

This thought just makes me too depressed, so I try to focus entirely on the landscape that the taxi cab is flying across.

I wake Noah when we arrive at the airport, and he grumpily gets out and holds the door open for me. After getting the luggage from the trunk and paying the taxi driver, it's just thirty short minutes later that the two of us are sitting down in our terminal.

"Doesn't it feel like we were just arriving?" I yawn, looking at him through falling eyelashes.

"Yeah it does. You going to take a nap on me on the way home?"

"You know it," I yawn out yet again. And yeah, his accompanying smile makes me feel just a bit better.

_**P&BP&BP&B**_

_OK, finished! _I happily put the finishing touches on the two pieces of fillet I was preparing, and laid them on the table. I went to the cupboard and brought out a bottle of wine Noah and I were saving, and I popped it open. This wasn't exactly a special occasion; I just wanted to surprise Noah with a fancy dinner.

I lay out the salad and I'm just turning back to the kitchen counter to grab the creamed spinach when Noah walks through the door. I look over at him with a wide grin, and he's looking at the table in shock.

"Babe?" He questions with a smile, "what's going on?"

I sneak my way up to him and push my lips up into his, and he leans down to meet me.

"Just wanted to give you a special little random dinner."

He pulls away and gives me one of my favorite looks. The "you are crazy and I love you for it" look, and it gives me shivers.

"You'll be glad the appointment went well today then. This dinner would have been kind of anticlimactic if I came back with bad news."

"Appointment?" I question, looking at him unsurely. _Oh! _It clicks, and I remember that today was the day that he made the doctor's appointment. How could I forget that? I've been put on edge by that damned side ache of his for awhile now; you'd think I would remember his appointment.

My face falls as I realize how bad this dinner could have turned out, but a smile quickly springs back up.

"It went well?" I ask hopefully.

"They said nothing to worry about," he muses against me lips. I grin up at him before sliding his coat off him, then take his hat and scarf and hang it up. He slips his shoes off and sits down, watching me as I grab the spinach and add it to the table.

"Geez Blaine, how long did you spend on all this?" I look up at him as he looks over the table, looking at each course with wonder. Wonder and… .._something else_? I don't know what it is, but he looks at the food differently than I thought he would. I thought he would be devouring everything with his eyes, but instead he's looking at everything….cautiously? I didn't know what to describe the look as; he seemed to be looking at it in a new way. It made me uneasy.

Nevertheless, he surrounded his fillet with a helping of salad, creamed spinach, and asparagus, successfully calming my worries.

"So what did they say?" I ask, and watch as he slowly takes a small bite out of his salad. _Huh, usually he goes straight for the steak?_

"They didn't really know what the problem was, but they didn't think it was anything serious. They told me to just take and stay on some Tylenol."

I watch silently as he cuts into his steak, and sticks a very small piece of the meat into his mouth. He chews slowly, and he doesn't make the "oh my god this is so good" face I was hoping for. Instead, he looks down at his plate with that same look he was giving all the different courses.

"What's wrong?"

He snaps his eyes up, obviously not expecting me to be watching him.

"Oh, ah, nothing! It's amazing."

I set my fork down and sigh. "Noah, what's wrong."

"I'm sorry babe, I know you spent hours preparing this," and I can tell just by his face that he really does feel bad about this. "But I'm really not that hungry right now. I'm sorry."

"What did you have to eat today?"

He returns his eyes to mine and gives me this guilty look, and it tears me up in the inside. He's about to talk again, he had just opened his mouth, when he grits it closed again and brings his hand to his side. He keeps it there, gripping it and waiting for whatever pain he is feeling to go away.

I watch stunned, afraid of what I was seeing. This pain couldn't be healed with Tylenol, what we're these people thinking? This was something more.

"What did you eat today Noah?" I ask again, not taking my eyes away from his hand over his stomach region.

"I haven't eaten today…" He answers quietly, and my fears are confirmed.

I stand up quickly, and the sudden movement causes Noah to startle.

"What are you doing?" He questions, eyeing me warily.

I don't say anything as I walk away from the table and grab our two coats and both of our hats and scarves.

"We're going back to the hospital Noah, Tylenol isn't going to do shit for you."

_**P&BP&BP&B**_

_I hate that dream, _I think to myself, as I open my eyes and groggily look forward. I have it often, and it always makes my skin crawl. Whenever I fall asleep, I can count on going back to that day more times than not. Ughhh! That stupid dream is both a gift and a curse. It's a taste of what life was like without cancer, when I wasn't worried about anything. But it was also a taste of the few seconds when I first realized Noah and I were up against something….. big. And I didn't like that taste, no matter how good the first one was.

Opening my eyes fully, I yawn and stretch. A hand follows my stretching, and I realize I must have fallen asleep holding Noah's hand. I look down at the connection, and then look up into those watching eyes.

"I really should have eaten that fucking fillet," he murmurs, lazily tracing a pattern on my hand with his thumb.

_Oh shit. I must have been talking._

"What did I say this time?" I ask, falling back down into my seat and settling in.

(_**Noah**_)

I laugh, because only Blaine would ask that. No matter how many times I tell him what he says, he still seems to think there's a possibility he said something else.

"The same thing you say every time; what did you have to eat today."

"Worst line ever," He mumbles, giving me that _I'm sorry_ look.

"Babe you can't control your dreams, so relax. I'm not blaming you for shit. You know I have those dreams too; that's why I'm still fucking awake."

"We still have five hours Noah, you think you'll make it?"

"Aww fuck, five hours?"

Laughing, he just rolls his eyes and returns his head to my shoulders.

"Dream happy things, dream happy things, dream happy things," he starts whispering to himself. When he doesn't stop after the first few, I start laughing. He really is trying to convice himself to dream happy things.

_Maybe you should be doing that too. _

_Fuck off, _I tell myself, as I give in and rest my head against Blaine's. I'm so not going to make it the whole way.

_**P&BP&BP&B**_

We were both pretty on edge as we hopped out of my truck. It wasn't everyday you got called to the doctor's office, and it wasn't everyday that they refused to tell you shit over the phone.

I walked around the back and grabbed Blaine's hand as soon as possible, practically pleading with my eyes to not worry.

"It's going to be alright babe, nothing bad is going to happen."

"Why are they calling us in now? It has to be about the test results, right?"

His hand fidgets in mine as we walk towards those glass front doors, and we both eye them nervously.

"No, it's because they wanted to give me a surprise physical, you know how much they like my body Blaine."

He gives me the evil look and a jab in my side, but I got him to smile so mission accomplished.

"Yes, it's about the test results, but we'll be fine. We always are babe."

"I'd rather go with the physical," he whispers, pulling me forward till we are facing the row of secretaries. One of them catches his eye and beckons him over, and I don't follow, instead going to sit down in one of the chairs. They're big and fluffy, and actually quite comfortable.

"So would I," I murmur to myself, taking this time away from Blaine to compose myself. This shit isn't going to be pretty, I tell myself, and I need to stay strong for both of us. I watch him as he talks with the secretary, trying to memorize that smiling face. I laugh at this thought though, of course I already have that face memorized, and I have for a long time now.

I know bad news is coming. It's a gut feeling, almost indescribable. I'm pretty sure Blaine has it too, but I can't let him freak out. _Put on your fucking mask, Noah. This is when it counts. _

He walks back over to me in the waiting area, and dives into the spot next to me. I immediately wrap my arms around his waist (I chose the coach for a reason) and kiss his hair.

"Just think," I murmur into his hair, smelling that amazing smell that is my husband. "After this we can do whatever the fuck we want. We could have a picnic?" I Eskimo kiss his curls, and he chuckles slightly.

"Picnic?" He eyes me warily. "You usually don't do picnic's."

"That doesn't mean they're out of the question," I laugh out, going for the Eskimo kiss on his nose.

"Noah," He giggles again, small blush taking over his cheeks. "People are going to be staring!"

"Let them stare. I can fucking rub my nose against yours if I want to."

And that's all it takes. Blaine processes this in his head, and then totally breaks down into laughter. _Fuck yes, make Blaine laugh and happy? Check._

He settles down after awhile, just when the tears are beginning. He returns my gaze, and then quickly brushes his lips against mine.

"Or maybe we can just go home. I think we should go to bed early today, you know?" He asks me against my lips, successfully finding his most seductive tone.

"Or maybe we could still have that physical? You would make a great doctor."

He shivers at this suggestion, and his grin widens.

"Or maybe you can slip off that sweatshirt of yours, and use it to cover your lap." He pauses slightly, looking me up and down with greedy eyes. "Maybe I could service you right here and now?"

It's my turn to shiver, and he snuggles close feeling it. His hands lazily trace my chest, coming dangerously close to my belt line.

"I don't want to have a fucking boner in the middle of the doctor's waiting area," I breathe out, as his hand continues to trace lower.

"I think I need to go to the bathroom." He stands up and I'm slightly shocked by the loss of contact. He grins at me when he sees the faint outline of my half mast.

"I think I have to go too."

We laugh as I stand and we take our first steps out of the waiting area and to the bathroom.

"Noah Puckerman."

We freeze, turn around, and let our faces drop. The nurse is looking at me questionably, waiting for me to come over.

I grab his hand and turn him till he's facing me. Though his body is turned, his face is still looking at the nurse. I don't like that expression.

I lightly grab his chin and move his head till his eyes land on mine.

"I love you Blaine, nothing will ever change that."

"I love you too," He murmurs back, glancing over at the nurse.

I take his hand and wrap it over my chest, directly over my heart. It's beating fast, and I know he can feel it.

"Not because of the test results. Not because of that nurse staring at us. This heartbeat is only for you baby, only for you."

_**P&BP&BP&B **_

I wake up quickly, practically jumping awake. I look around quickly to get my bearings, and sigh as I remember. Blaine's still awake, head down in a book. He glances over at me and smiles, mouthing a small "I love you."

I mouth it back, and turn my gaze out to the window. Damn am I glad that I don't talk in my sleep. Oh, and that I don't wear my emotions on my face. I stay as calm as possible as I wait for the rawness of the dream to ease away, waiting for it to fade from my mind.

Fuck these dreams. We've been having them ever since diagnosis and it's fucking irritating. Blaine doesn't know that I'm having them too, but that's only for the best. He needs to think I'm in the least pain possible.

I sigh as I glance back over at him. I study his face and his curls and the way he holds his body. We've been together forever now, so the times I've studied parts of him are countless. He must feel me staring, because he glances over just as I close my eyes.

"Nice try. I know you were staring."

"Only because you're so beautiful."

"Whatever," He sighs, and we both laugh.

_I don't want this fucking plane ride to end._ I think, as I turn my head till I'm looking out the window again. The surgery feels so much more real on this side of the wedding. Sure I know it's better now that all our friends are going to be there for Blaine and me, but it's still scary as fuck.

And now that the wedding is over, it's time to fucking tell people. You can't just hold shit like this in forever. Yes, these coming weeks are probably not going to be the "best fourteen days" that we originally hoped.

No, it's time for the stares. It's time for the overwhelming amount of sympathy. It's time, oh fuck, to face this shit again.

_A/N – Blargh, Okay guys, I don't know if I'm gonna finish this story. I had such a better time writing "I Fell In Love With You The Night I Was Stabbed" and "What They Would Be Missing," it just seems like a waste of my time. But then again, I really liked this chapter with the flashbacks. Hmm, I don't know. What I do know, however, is how much I want to write right now. AND I NEED IDEAS FOR ONE SHOTS! So please, any Blaine-Puck one-shot story suggestions (or prompts I think they call them?) would be much appreciated. You can PM them if you want!_


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